Bad Mommy!

I had to feed the little sprog with formula tonight.

It all spiraled downward when I insisted on experimenting with fasting.

For the first two weeks of Ramadhan, I didn't fast because the little sprog fell ill and I didn't want to risk not having sufficient milk supply for him, to help him get better. Besides, Mr. Mine didn't let me (fast).

After his recovery, I decided to try fasting. Besides I had that stockpile in the freezer in case anything happened. After a day of fasting, my milk supply became diluted and thin and couldn't satisfy the little sprog's hunger. Couple this with an unplanned growth spurt (which was only supposed to happen at 6 months - which is 2 weeks away) and basically I'm left with no milk for the little sprog.

Last night he woke up at 12, 1,2,3,4,5 then 6am. Needless to say I was a zombie at work today and the exhaustion didn't help with the freeflow of milk. Neither did the stress of not being able to pump out the two full bottles I'm usually able to get at each session help with the whole thing.

The little sprog's growth spurt resulted in me having to urgently send two additional bottles of milk (which I painstakingly expressed for at 9am and 12pm), during lunch. Which leaves me for no milk supply for him to take to baby school tomorrow.

I feel a nervous breakdown coming on.

The plan was to (sob!) give him formula tonight so I'll be able to express for tomorrow's supply. Dahlah I had to keep him waiting for the formula as I had to sterilize the big milk bottle (we usually only use the little ones for breastmilk), so by the time I passed the formula to Daddy-O, he gobbled down half of it before realising that it wasn't the real deal. He refused it after that and starting pulling on my t-shirt (which made me feel so loved and secretly glad that he prefers me to the scientifically enhanced formula). So I fed him while holding back the tears of regret for having had to resort to this.

*slashes wrists*