Tabloid

Mek dolu2 pernah, ehem.... "couple" (Gawd, I hate that term, it doesn't even make grammatical sense!) dengan erm, artis rapper nih.  ROTFLMAO, masih sangat geli paru-paru mek bila teringat.  Teringat sebab tetiba his song came on (I've got the iPod plugged in to drown out the disturbing sounds of Hasben playing Modern Warfare on the PS3 - baguslah sangat sebab Ilhan dok tidur dalam bilik and if he melalak, sape pun tak dengar).

Anyway, I was young and foolish back then and I didn't even like him.  At first.  I met him through a girlfriend.  They'd been friends for the longest time.  Think she had a crush on him but he never reciprocated.  In actual fact it was his bandmate that I thought was cuter.  I never got to meet his bandmate though.  They were past their one-hit-wonder and 15-minutes-of-fame, so it was never a groupie kind of relationship.  I never got to see him perform live on stage.  He did serenade me one night on the piano, though.  Before we went out to dinner.  At his house.  It wasn't the least bit romantic.  The piano was in the living room of his parents house and they were all there watching telly :p

Group mamat ni bertiga (clue la ni!) and memang sebenarnya dialah yang paling hensem of the 3.  The thing that you should know about me though, is that I've never really been into the good-looking ones.  Sebab selalunya yang hensem2 nih are usually caught up in their own narcissistic self and don't really make an effort to woo you, if you know what I mean.  Anyway, you could say I was in between boyfriends and being egged on by the girls, I thought, hey, why not?  Could be fun dating a celebrity, seeing as how I didn't really have any feelings for him.  Big mistake number 1.

Mamat ni, despite kehenseman dia (and my theory that cute boys are dumb), charmed his way into my hati sekeras batu ni. (Ahaks, konon...kan tadi dah kata I was young and foolish.)  Gua ingat gua terror sangat lah masa tuh.  But despite the fact that mamat ni, who at that time was already in his early twenties (we were the same age - Clue No. 2!), still slept in his parents' room (yeeeee sumpah, akak tak propah!), he was my first taste of how vavee men can be and how good they are at emotionally and mentally abusing women.

We were out with friends, they were playing pool, I was chatting with the girls.  He came over to me,  took both my hands in his, looked me in the eyes and kissed me on the nose.  Then he whispered into my ear...

Baby, you'd look sexier if you had smaller hips.  If you work on that, I promise I'll take you shopping.  We'll go get those sexy hipster jeans.  All they guys will kill to be me when they see me with you.  Other than that, you're perfect. 

Yeah, so I was young and foolish but I wasn't dumb.  I left and I never called him back.  He moved on to the next waif-like girl.  It hurt.  It hurt because I never liked him to begin with.  He made me like him and then he wanted to change me.  Jantan sial.  Muka jer jambu tapi kalau dok tidur bawah ketiak mak kau lagi, tak payah nak jadik image consultant aku, boleh tak?!  Akak masa tu hawt occay, takdelah chomel cam sekarang.  Peerah!

Mek dengar group dia nak buat "kambek".  LOL! Gudlak!

Wahahaha! Mek amik pada Fesbuk.  Clue No. 3!