Aww maaaaan, I'm growing up.

I used to wonder what it meant when people say that "ada anak tu, insya-Allah bertambah lah rezeki tu".  I think I've also heard it been said about getting married too.

I know many people who put off getting married because they haven't saved up enough money yet.  Weddings ARE expensive kan! I used to worry too, what I'd do if it suddenly became time for me to get married. But God works in mysterious ways, can't stress that enough.

All those years of working... every year bila dapat bonus... the money goes to paying off credit card bills.  Uols sume ingat wah... kerja PETRONAS maaaa.... gaji ribu raban... bonus sampai 48 bulan or some shait like that.  The truth is, when I started working for PETRONAS, in 2001, starting pay was RM2250.  Lepas 6 bulan kerja, can apply for PETRONAS car loan, beli kereta Satria, dah kena bayar RM650 sebulan.  Minyak pergi balik travel Shah Alam-KL + Toll + car maintenance lagi.... duit makan lagi, tu pun tak bayar sewa rumah tau sebab menumpang rumah mak bapak, beli baju kerja serba sikit... basically leaves you broke and living off your credit card.  So, bila dapat bonus which HELLO, was an average of 3 bulan gaji, summore tolak income tax bagai.... habislah bonus bayar credit card.  Bertahun2 hidup cenggitu.  Walking pass Chanel, Ferragamo, Gucci what have you, to get to work, tu sume takde makna tau.  Kasut Vincci jugak yang menjadi pujaan ku.  *sigh*.  I think it was after 5 years of working barulah gaji cecah RM3bloodyk.  Tu pun sebab ada salary adjustment.  After 15 bloody years, baru sekali PETRONAS buat salary adjustment. So to uols sume yang tak habis habis nak salahkan PETRONAS sebab rege minyak naik... FARK YEW!  *sorry, emo kejap*

Anyway, ghopenya there was slightly more money to be had if you were a higheffing-flyer (that's PETRONAS speak for pekerja yang gila terror cam babas yang makan PETRONAS, minum PETRONAS, tidur (pun kat office) PETRONAS).  But it was a Catch-22.  Now that you've made all this extra money, you don't have a life to spend it on.  So it is, that first fateful year that I gave up  my life, you know, for fun. And because I had no life, the moolah went into my savings.  Lo and behold, I met a man and we got married (and I didn't have to put off the wedding because I was pokai! haha).  Proof that I had no life, was that I ended up marrying somebody from PETRONAS, despite my kesungguhan untuk tidak end up with somebody from the company :p (padan muka aku!).

So, seperti biasalah kan, once dah kawen, sebokla pulak everyone asks you bila nak beranak.  Memanglah selalu dengar orang cakap pasal rezeki anak, but I never really knew what it meant.  Ok, they say that God will provide for the child, but how leh?  To me, nothing comes for free or when you kangkang goyang kaki (ok, maybe for some, if you kangkang, can get money but we won't get into that!).   But, I started to notice that once I was pregnant, things just kind of happened.  I mean, yes, not without usaha, but the timing was too right to be coincidental.

So, anyway, yang meleret panjang2 ni bukan apa... I've just recently made sense of things my Ostad used to tell us masa kecik2 dulu.  ie. dapat pahala if you pick up a nail (or any sharp object) on the ground and throw it away, berdosa kalau tunjuk punggung kat orang, that kind of thing.  He never explained why and although I pick up nails, pins and staples off the ground all the time, only now I know that it's because you save somebody else from stepping on it and getting hurt that you get good points for it.  I used to think I was safe from the sin of tunjuk bontot kat orang coz I never really figured out why anybody would want to go around pointing their ass at other people.  Wouldn't that be erm, going out of their way??  Well, I now understand that it's more about using your ass as a sexual object to entice people ala Shakira and Beyonce that scores you demerit points.

I'm also beginning to understand more about rezeki and why pintu rezeki dibuka and ditutup.  And most importantly, how Allah (s.a.w) wants us to realise these things and make the right choices based on the consequences of our actions, to let go of petty desires and open our minds to the possibilities that only He can control.  The Law of Attraction ker, The Secret ker, what goes around comes around lah, good karma lah, those are all just subsets of having faith and believing that He determines one's rezeki.

Enough preaching. Nak gi kedai lah.  Bye.